July 2011
5 posts
GIRLS ARE PRETTY: The Broadway Adaptation Of The... →
girlsareprettyforever: The Broadway adaptation of the movie Twister is dangerously over-budget because of the cows. “Maybe we could cut the cows,” one of the investors suggests. “As far as anyone is concerned, Twister is the movie where the cow gets thrown at the car,” tell them. “Taking the cows out of Twister the…
Jul 13th
10 notes
Jul 12th
50 notes
GIRLS ARE PRETTY: Babyland Day! →
girlsareprettyforever: You have an idea for a comedy about if babies could talk. You think if babies could talk they’d speak in hypnotic verse, poems that cut to the essence of what it is to live and experience the color and sound of life. The adults would hear the babies’ message and they’d all go mad, unable to…
Jul 12th
8 notes
Jul 12th
6,796 notes
Jul 12th
15,548 notes
GIRLS ARE PRETTY: We Can't Let Go Of Him Day! →
girlsareprettyforever: Everyone in your little podunk town is trying to kill you because they heard you got into one of those colleges up north where they teach you communications and how to flirt with Jewish girls by speaking heatedly about politics. “So it’s agreed,” the senior councilman said last night at the Town…
Jul 1st
15 notes
Jul 1st
3,683 notes
June 2011
16 posts
GIRLS ARE PRETTY: Party Store Owner Discovers The... →
girlsareprettyforever: Today the Party Store owner is going to chuckle to himself when he realizes that even though he has an entire store full of party supplies at his disposal, having not a single friend to his name means he doesn’t have the capability of throwing a party. “Funny,” the Party Store owner thinks. “That…
Jun 29th
11 notes
“What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the...”
– Dwight Schrute, The Office (via chemicular)
Jun 29th
1,709 notes
Jun 29th
Jun 29th
816 notes
Jun 29th
8,089 notes
Jun 27th
1,048 notes
Jun 27th
1,982 notes
Jun 23rd
730 notes
Jun 18th
254 notes
Jun 13th
40,894 notes
Jun 13th
130 notes
Jun 11th
14 notes
Jun 3rd
175 notes
Jun 3rd
15 notes
Jun 1st
421 notes
May 2011
22 posts
May 29th
61,879 notes
May 28th
12,445 notes
May 28th
19,389 notes
May 27th
3,430 notes
May 27th
1,417 notes
May 25th
4,294 notes
May 24th
642 notes
May 23rd
27,785 notes
GIRLS ARE PRETTY: Complaints Line Day! →
girlsareprettyforever: You bought an oscillating fan in 1963 that doesn’t work very well. The instructions came with a phone number to call if you have complaints. You’ve been calling once a week for the last 48 years. You missed your call last week because you went to the hospital with a hematoma on your brain. Jeff,…
May 18th
19 notes
May 18th
16 notes
May 18th
107 notes
May 15th
30 notes
May 12th
47 notes
May 10th
10,396 notes
May 9th
30 notes
May 8th
1,575 notes
May 8th
May 8th
15 notes
May 7th
90 notes
GIRLS ARE PRETTY: Cross-Country Loving Day! →
girlsareprettyforever: You and Jennifer started fucking back in Nebraska. You met when you started fighting over a cab at the airport after both your flights were cancelled. You decided that if you put your heads together you could get home faster than apart and make it home in time for your kids’ respective…
May 3rd
16 notes
May 2nd
5 notes
April 2011
44 posts
Apr 27th
786 notes
“Kurt Vonnegut Eight rules for writing fiction: 1. Use the time of a total...”
–  Vonnegut, Kurt Vonnegut, Bagombo Snuff Box: Uncollected Short Fiction (New York: G.P. Putnam’s Sons 1999), 9-10. (via mybrainhasnotitle)
Apr 24th
15 notes
“I am a Tralfamadorian, seeing all time as you might see a stretch of the Rocky...”
– Slaughterhouse-Five, Kurt Vonnegut (via angelapangelabobangela)
Apr 24th
6 notes
Apr 23rd
321 notes
Apr 23rd
94 notes
Apr 23rd
616 notes
GIRLS ARE PRETTY: Your Kidnappers Can't Kidnap... →
girlsareprettyforever: Your new self-help book, titled “Your Kidnappers Can’t Kidnap Your Inner You,” is selling like crazy, which is a pleasant surprise because you figured that the target audience for a book about how to achieve personal growth while being held captive for ransom would be unable to go shopping because…
Apr 21st
42 notes