July 2011
5 posts
GIRLS ARE PRETTY: The Broadway Adaptation Of The... →
girlsareprettyforever: The Broadway adaptation of the movie Twister is dangerously over-budget because of the cows. “Maybe we could cut the cows,” one of the investors suggests. “As far as anyone is concerned, Twister is the movie where the cow gets thrown at the car,” tell them. “Taking the cows out of Twister the…
Jul 13th
Jul 12th
51 notes
GIRLS ARE PRETTY: Babyland Day! →
girlsareprettyforever: You have an idea for a comedy about if babies could talk. You think if babies could talk they’d speak in hypnotic verse, poems that cut to the essence of what it is to live and experience the color and sound of life. The adults would hear the babies’ message and they’d all go mad, unable to…
Jul 12th
Jul 12th
6,947 notes
Jul 12th
15,950 notes
GIRLS ARE PRETTY: We Can't Let Go Of Him Day! →
girlsareprettyforever: Everyone in your little podunk town is trying to kill you because they heard you got into one of those colleges up north where they teach you communications and how to flirt with Jewish girls by speaking heatedly about politics. “So it’s agreed,” the senior councilman said last night at the Town…
Jul 1st
Jul 1st
3,718 notes
June 2011
16 posts
GIRLS ARE PRETTY: Party Store Owner Discovers The... →
girlsareprettyforever: Today the Party Store owner is going to chuckle to himself when he realizes that even though he has an entire store full of party supplies at his disposal, having not a single friend to his name means he doesn’t have the capability of throwing a party. “Funny,” the Party Store owner thinks. “That…
Jun 29th
“What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the...”
– Dwight Schrute, The Office (via chemicular)
Jun 29th
1,694 notes
Jun 29th
Jun 29th
826 notes
Jun 29th
8,278 notes
Jun 27th
1,071 notes
Jun 27th
2,013 notes
Jun 23rd
734 notes
Jun 18th
255 notes
Jun 13th
18,880 notes
Jun 13th
Jun 11th
Jun 3rd
178 notes
Jun 3rd
Jun 1st
427 notes
May 2011
22 posts
May 29th
38,581 notes
May 28th
12,684 notes
May 28th
19,530 notes
May 27th
3,451 notes
May 27th
1,440 notes
May 25th
4,397 notes
May 24th
645 notes
May 23rd
22,144 notes
GIRLS ARE PRETTY: Complaints Line Day! →
girlsareprettyforever: You bought an oscillating fan in 1963 that doesn’t work very well. The instructions came with a phone number to call if you have complaints. You’ve been calling once a week for the last 48 years. You missed your call last week because you went to the hospital with a hematoma on your brain. Jeff,…
May 18th
19 notes
May 18th
16 notes
May 18th
107 notes
May 15th
31 notes
May 12th
47 notes
May 10th
10,605 notes
May 9th
May 8th
2,194 notes
May 8th
May 8th
May 7th
90 notes
GIRLS ARE PRETTY: Cross-Country Loving Day! →
girlsareprettyforever: You and Jennifer started fucking back in Nebraska. You met when you started fighting over a cab at the airport after both your flights were cancelled. You decided that if you put your heads together you could get home faster than apart and make it home in time for your kids’ respective…
May 3rd
May 2nd
April 2011
44 posts
Apr 27th
792 notes
“Kurt Vonnegut Eight rules for writing fiction: 1. Use the time of a total...”
–  Vonnegut, Kurt Vonnegut, Bagombo Snuff Box: Uncollected Short Fiction (New York: G.P. Putnam’s Sons 1999), 9-10. (via mybrainhasnotitle)
Apr 24th
“I am a Tralfamadorian, seeing all time as you might see a stretch of the Rocky...”
– Slaughterhouse-Five, Kurt Vonnegut (via angelapangelabobangela)
Apr 24th
6 notes
Apr 23rd
318 notes
Apr 23rd
Apr 23rd
629 notes
GIRLS ARE PRETTY: Your Kidnappers Can't Kidnap... →
girlsareprettyforever: Your new self-help book, titled “Your Kidnappers Can’t Kidnap Your Inner You,” is selling like crazy, which is a pleasant surprise because you figured that the target audience for a book about how to achieve personal growth while being held captive for ransom would be unable to go shopping because…
Apr 21st
42 notes